Those who think politics is a serious, heavy, deep set of topics has missed the point - the rhinoceros horn's point.
When the next federal election comes along - scheduled for this coming fall - local personality Doug Strachan will be horning in on the Big Four parties (Conservatives, NDP, Liberals and Greens). He is declaring himself the candidate for the nation's most noted fringe party.
Back in the 1960s a Canadian political party was formed to offer a less-than-mainstream alternative on the federal ballot. In the 1970s, the party attracted some key artistic minds who ramped up the comedy and parody. They called themselves the Rhinoceros Party of Canada, or The Rhinos for short, because, they said, just like the celebrity political leaders, the rhino was "thick-skinned, slow-moving, dimwitted, can move fast as hell when in danger, and have large, hairy horns growing out of the middle of their faces."
The Rhino Party has not always fielded a full slate of candidates, but sometimes they have even mustered a media campaign to go along with the grassroots stumping they've managed to pull together on paper thin budgets.
"There's one law in particular we don't like. If elected, we intend our first act to be to repeal the law of gravity," said Strachan, deadpan. "We would also abolish the Canadian Senate and turn it into a casino run by Don Cherry so it would become a moneymaker for Canadians for the very first time."
Lest anyone think the Rhino Party is a complete joke, however, Strachan urged people to look up the definition of "satire." The party uses frivolity and the humourously ridiculous not to sneer at democracy but to call attention to the underlying importance of it. The Rhino Party's true mission is complex, but it involves voter engagement be that through reverse psychology bringing minds to real issues of the day, or giving a legitimate outlet for protest votes.
Strachan prides himself on pointy-sticked humour, but he is no community lightweight just because he has a light heart. He has an economics degree from the University of Calgary where he was also a punter/tight-end for the Dinos. He has been the face of the SPCA's Pet Parade show on Shaw-TV, and has occasionally been a current events show host on local radio. He is also a drummer, known best as the beatmaster for the now defunct classic rock band Tony White & The Heavyweights (among others). His profession is in real estate services, as a realtor and home appraiser.
"I came here to Prince George because Bruce (Strachan, his musician brother who was the area's MLA and a provincial cabinet minister) needed a drummer for two weeks. My plan was to stay for those two weeks and leave again but I ended up staying for 45 years and counting," he said.
Despite his personal interest in current events, and his brother's extensive experience in politics (Bruce has been a school trustee, city councillor, MLA and once ran federally for the Progressive Conservative Party) as his guide, this is his first foray into an election.
"Well, the Rhino Party was founded because politics was getting too serious. They felt some levity was needed," Strachan said. "I think that holds true today like it did back then. The other parties need to remember that it's regular people they're supposed to be working for. We plan to build a more secure and prosperous Canada, starting with securing a prosperous federal pension for me."
He said his was the most fiscally conservative party of the lot, suggesting a major cost-saving measure of theirs would be to abolish the environment because it is too costly to keep clean. Banning winter would be a rider on that same bill.
Also, they planned to save money and lives by switching vehicle traffic from the right lane over to the left lane, but phasing it in over three years. The first year would be large trucks, causing commuters such fear they would stop driving altogether. Voila, major cost savings and fewer highway crashes.
"I just got a note from party hindquarters," Strachan said. "We believe in the legalization of marijuana but we know that's a hot topic so we would insist on a joint review.
"Also, we are opposed to sex on TV. Modern televisions are wall-mounted with four screws and a fifth one would cause it to collapse, driving up the cost of healthcare.
"We also have a strong fiscal policy. We call it the Two Pamelas Policy. It is unfair and unrepresentative of Canada to only have one woman's image on our currency, so we would instruct the mint to print half the $5 bills with disgraced senator Pamela Wallin's face, which would devalue our currency, good for exports, but then print half with Pamela Anderson's image, which would trigger saving money because nobody would want to part with those. Let the free market fight it out."
The laughs (some belly, some nervous) kept rolling as Strachan laid out the party platform. He knows he is the first candidate to declare but he had a practical reason for that.
"Me and Hillary (Clinton, U.S. presidential candidate) want to get things started early, but the only difference between her campaign and mine is, she has elite financial people working for her, and I need someone to join my team."
He's actually serious. He has a confirmed campaign manager, but Elections Canada dictates he needs a signed financial manager and it must be someone holding valid Chartered Accountant or a Certified General Accountant credentials. He promised anyone interested that it would be a fun time. "I mean," he said, "the amounts of money I'll be dealing with will be hilarious."
Any CA or CGA wishing to ride the Rhinos through the next election is asked to contact Strachan at 250-649-0388.
