My one goal, when I started this column, was to inspire at least one person to make a change towards better health and happiness in their lives.
I wanted that for other people, because I know how good it feels, and when you feel great, you want the world to feel great with you. I don't ever want to promote one specific way of being healthy, because it's a journey that is intensely personal and different for every person. My goals likely won't match up completely with anyone else's and that's OK.
My life, my schedule, my limitations, my ambitions, my failures and successes all play a role in how my journey plays out, what I am able to do and how I achieve my goals. And because everyone's story is different, we shouldn't compare ourselves to other people.
We all have different reasons for where we are in life, and where we want to go, so why would I compare myself to a super athletic girl with abs of steel, who oozes confidence and strength in short shorts and tight tops, who grew up playing on sports teams in a family of athletes?
For me, I have a hard time letting go of what I wish I looked like. Yes, I do find myself wishing I never had to deal with loose skin leftover from significant weight loss, I do sometimes wish camouflaging my belly bulge wasn't something I even had to consider. I've never felt fitter, but the internal dialogue I have is still a work in progress. I know logically that I've transformed, but my weight gain didn't happen in just a year or two. It has been a battle all my teenage and adult life.
So I'm not sure that I've given my mind enough time to wrap around the success I've had physically. I'm curious, for those who have had significant weight loss, and kept it off for many years, if this is a battle I will always have. The one thing I can attest to, is that despite some negative internal dialogue, the amount of positive that creeps its way in, has grown a lot.
I started out not even truly believing that this time, the changes would stick. I was skeptical of my own ability to commit and stick to it. When I look ahead now, it helps me to think back to where I started, because if I could stick to it, even when I doubted my own self, then anything is possible for the future. Self doubt is still something I'm working on.
I'm sure my trainer Logan can attest that even through all the crazy workouts she's put me through and all the crazy things she's seen me able to do, I still constantly worry about not being able to perform certain moves.
I call her crazy but do what she asks anyway and sometimes I amaze myself when I can do things I didn't think possible. Other times, I have moments of saying to myself "I should be able to do this better" or "I failed at that terribly." Then the next day, I'm back to amazing myself with my capabilities when I conquer a new exercise or improve on something I had been struggling with for weeks.
I think the key, at least for me, is that I don't let the negative voice have a say in how I live my life. I acknowledge the self-doubt, I hear it, then I put it aside and move on.
The one good thing about acknowledging my own doubt is knowing that anyone and everyone can be suffering from this too, and even the most confident looking and sounding people are not immune.
Some of it may seem superficial, because I would love to look a certain way that is likely not achievable for my body and what it's been through, and some if it is because I'm comparing myself to someone else who's life and experiences do not match my own.
It's unfair of anyone to do this to themselves, and it's something I'm working to overcome.
Just remember that everyone has their own story, and every journey is unique. Don't compare yourself to anyone else, live your own story (advice I need to take to heart myself).
