A song popularized by Monty Python tells us to "always look on the bright side of life."
Is this the best advice, however?
According to a recent study published by the Association for Psychological Science, this only helps to bring happiness if we are dealing with a situation that we have no control over. In situations that we do have control over, we are much better off looking at the situation as an opportunity for learning and self-improvement.
It goes back to the serenity prayer, popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step recovery programs:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference.
The challenge comes in knowing the difference.
What can we change?
Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, discusses the "circle of control" surrounded by the "circle of no control."
There are many things in life that we have no control over. We do not control the weather. We do not control our ethnicity. We do not control the past. We may be able to influence the decisions of other people, but we do not control them.
Even though we do not control everything that happens to us, Covey points out that we do control how we respond.
It is raining out.
I can't mow the lawn, but I can get things done inside the house. Awesome!
I am a Canadian of Arabic descent. This gives me a unique perspective on global issues. I can share my opinions.
I made a decision that has created problems. This was a valuable lesson as I move forward in life.
I was well qualified and I did my best to get that job, but I was not chosen.
I need to keep trying and improving. Experience has shown me that there is something better on the horizon.
There is much in life that we have direct control over as well. We control whether we are going to form healthy or unhealthy habits. We control how much effort we are going to put into any given project. We control how we use our free time. Of course, the ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose our own thoughts. It is vital that we be aware of and embrace this sacred aspect of our humanity.
There is great wisdom in Covey's teaching.
The APS study found that "looking on the bright side of life" can actually make things worse when we use it as an excuse.
"I ate and drank too much, but hey, it was a party!" "Yes, I know that was a mean thing to say, but I am under a lot of pressure right now."
The challenge in life is to develop "the wisdom to know the difference."
This can only come through self-reflection, by asking ourselves difficult questions. It is not a matter of blaming ourselves for our problems, but of recognizing our giftedness and the responsibility that this entails.
Of course, we all need help in becoming our best.
Meditation has long been used to help us to grow in this awareness, and it is now being rediscovered by many individuals. Counselling is effective for others, as is journaling and mentoring. Effective businesses, parents and educational programs know the importance of making such resources available to their people, but ultimately their effectiveness is up to each individual.
Maybe "looking on the bright side of life" isn't such bad advice, as long as we realize that "the bright side" is the one that not only embraces our goodness, but offers us the greatest opportunity for achieving our potential.
