First things first, I finally hit my goal of a full 100 pounds lost.
It's surreal to say that, because it doesn't feel like 100 pounds have left my body, as I think my mind is still racing to catch up. I surprise myself in the mirror every day, not in a conceited way, but where I am legitimately surprised to see a reflection of someone who looks smaller and healthier. Some days I wake up, expecting to see the old 281-pound me looking back, and realize it was all just a dream.
Then I pack my gym bag, and prepare my morning blueberry, chia seed oatmeal and it clicks in that it's real, and that it required a lot of work, and it will continue to require work to maintain this lifestyle. Hitting the finish line doesn't mean my work is done, I need to set new goals, and work on progressing towards them now. I will run a 10K this summer, I will work up to doing a full pull-up, and go rung to rung on the monkey bars. These aren't lofty goals, but things I know are within my reach and will only serve to help keep me in shape. Its not that I don't want to lose pounds, I don't know many women who don't desire, at least a little bit, to reach an 'ideal' weight.
I sit at 181 pounds currently, and by medical standards I'm "overweight" but if you didn't know how much I weighed and were to go on just appearances, my guess is that you'd think I was in the "normal" range. I feel like my size is normal, and that's really what's important. I did, at one point in my life, sit comfortably in my normal weight range (I weighed 149 pounds at one time), but I was eating one meal a day and working out close to three hours a day/ seven days a week. I was exhausted constantly and I was moody, so I can't claim I was healthy at my medically recommended weight.
I feel much more alive and healthy now, I eat several times a day, and spend anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours a day at the gym, seven days a week. I feel like I can work to conquer any physical challenge thrown my way now. So really, my point is to not pay attention to a number, and to pay closer attention to how I feel. Being 149 pounds did not make me feel like a healthy person, but being 181 pounds has (I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one, because the scale has been haunting me since my teen years).
In the days prior to my big 100 lb weigh in, I came to a few realizations:
1. Gimmicks don't work.
2. Mental wellness is as important as physical health.
In last week's article, I mentioned my decision to start a weight loss program that involved pre-packaged snacks, shakes and supplements, along with cleanses. I spent almost a full week on the shakes, and did one round of the cleanse (a full day), and I was miserable. Logan (my personal trainer) had warned me that "gimmicks don't work" and that I could hit my goals without doing something this drastic and she was right.
After a week on the program, I just couldn't do it anymore. My workouts suffered, I felt weak, I was getting headaches and mentally I was spiraling downwards. I missed real food, and I missed kicking ass in the gym. Who likes to admit they were wrong? I sure don't, but I had to fess up that the program just wasn't for me, and that I needed to continue on the old fashioned way of exercise and healthy eating habits.
Mercifully, Logan didn't come down on me for my failed attempt at the program, there was no "I told you so!" involved. Instead she gave me some amazing words of encouragement to move forward. Now that I've gotten my refund for all the products I bought (phew!), and gotten the notion out of my head that I needed this gimmick to achieve my goals, I have been able to put it past me and I feel much better now (both physically and mentally). I am concentrating more on how I feel now, and less on the numbers. My new goals are all fitness oriented and have nothing to do with the scale, and I hope to encourage others to do the same as well.
Sometimes it takes a few wrong turns before we realize we knew the right way all along.
