This is a very difficult task requiring a lot of patience and grace. The first thing I recommend is that you plan to take care of yourself.
Too often in caring for a loved one, regardless of the health issue, we just resolve to dig deep and tough our way through it. I can tell you from experience that this is a poor plan. I looked after my mom for 16 years when she had Alzheimer's disease and that is the mistake I made. I did not plan to care for me, only her. When she passed in 2011, I crashed. A few months later, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia - a stress-related condition. So I cannot emphasize this enough - look after yourself first.
Put yourself on your schedule for times to relax, fill up and de-stress. Exercise and creative pursuits are especially helpful. Exercise because it allows you to work off some frustration and the damaging neurochemicals associated with stress. Creative pursuits because they require you to use the creative side of your brain, letting the thinking side rest and restore. Creative tasks also provide you with immediate positive results.
Even if you don't consider yourself to be a creative soul, look for something that appeals to you - writing, painting, photography, dance, music, cartooning, woodworking, gardening - the possibilities are endless.
You should plan to have personal time at least weekly and more often if possible. Also plan to have an annual vacation as you usually would. This is not selfish. It is necessary. In order to be at a place where you can effectively support someone else, you must take care of your own needs first.
The second thing I suggest is to learn as much as you can about the disorder affecting your loved one. Understand how it presents itself in your person; what makes symptoms worse and what helps. Your goal is not to be a therapist to them, but to be a companion through the process.
Someone who accepts them unconditionally, loves them through the challenges and will not blame them for their disease. The more you know about the relevant condition, the more you will be able to separate the person from the disease. This really does create a valuable mind shift.
I recently supported my daughter through several years of postpartum depression and anxiety. Understanding the condition really allowed me to be angry about the condition but not angry with her. And anger is legitimate. I was and still am angry that the same postpartum depression that I experienced 30 years ago still does not receive adequate response from the medical community today.
Thirdly, I recommend you put this issue in the light. Talk about it openly, share with close friends. Don't isolate or shame yourself or your loved one. Isolating - keeping everything to do with the mental illness hidden from family and friends - introduces unnecessary and unwarranted shame. There is nothing you or your loved one have done to bring this on. There is nothing you have done to deserve it. You are not responsible. Your loved one is not responsible.
Every day people face things that they didn't ask for: illness, accidents, deaths. Mental illness is another one of those things that no one wants, deserves or earns.
Certainly there are things that we can all do to promote our own mental health, to protect against certain conditions. But there are also many diagnoses - in both mental and physical health - for which there are few preventative measures.
Finally, seek out a support system. It may be informal, comprised mainly of understanding friends, or more formal, such as a support group. When I lived in a larger centre and worked for a major national mental health agency, we had one woman on staff whose job it was to support the families of adults with a mental diagnosis. If there is not a support system in your community, consider being involved in starting one. Talk to your person's mental health support team about what already exists or how they could support the development of a support system.
In northern B.C. we are fortunate to have some excellent resources such as the local branch of Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) where you can access a support worker who can offer assistance to families supporting a person with a mental health diagnosis. They also offer critically important education programs such as: Mental Health First Aid, both a basic program and one for adults who interact with youth; SafeTalk and ASIST, programs which address recognizing and responding to someone who exhibits signs of contemplating suicide.
At Foundry Prince George, you will be able to access support groups for both adults and youth who have lost someone to suicide.
There are also online resources, such as keltymentalhealth.ca, an excellent website for resources for all ages with podcasts and peer support to help with mental health wellness, and familysmart.ca, where you can access a parent in residence who has lived experience in supporting a loved one with a mental health diagnosis and can offer support and help in navigating the mental health system.
A significant risk in supporting a family member with a mental health condition is caregiver burnout. So I hope you will access the resources you need for yourself as a critical preventive strategy.
