According to an article published by Greater Good at the University of California Berkeley, those with the best physical and emotional health are those who have "emodiversity." They are people who are not necessarily happy all the time, but who experience the full range of emotions.
Though I do tend to be a very positive person, I decided to try to become aware of my own anger.
I recently watching the film Shake Hands with the Devil, the story of the Rwandan Genocide and Canadian General Romeo Dallaire's experience leading a doomed UN peace keeping mission there. I found myself getting very angry. Having lived through this period in history, the story brought up many memories for me.
First of all, I remembered the greatest job of my life, helping to run a home for street children in Kinshasa, Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo) from 1991 to 1993.
As a young missionary, I was in regular contact with the most downtrodden people in one of the poorest countries in the world and representatives of the most powerful and richest countries in the world. We were doing good work and Western embassies were quite supportive.
The French, for example, fully paid for a summer camp experience for not only the children living in our homes, but children still living on the street and children from grossly underfunded state-run youth correctional facilities. It was a wonderful experience and several of us were invited to the ambassador's residence for Bastille Day celebrations.
As a young man, I was overwhelmed with where I was. I could not believe the people with whom I was rubbing elbows.
What I did not know was that these same people were quite aware of what was going on in the country next door, Rwanda. They knew about the hate toward the minority Tutsi being broadcast on the radio. They knew about the training of militias. They continued to supply weapons to the Rwandan Armed Forces, the army behind the genocide. They may have even thwarted efforts to prevent the genocide.
An informant had told one of Dallaire's men that there were weapons caches throughout the capital, but Dallaire was then ordered by UN Headquarters to leave them. It is significant to note here that France is a permanent member of the UN Security Council.
These are the people I accepted gifts from. The people I shook hands with. The people I felt giddy to be with. Just the thought of it leaves me feeling guilty, dirty and angry, even though so many years have passed.
The genocide in Rwanda erupted after I had returned to Canada. I followed it every day in the news from April to July 1994. I wanted it to stop but I felt impotent. I wrote to my MP, I donated money, I talked to people, but nothing I did made any difference.
To this day I am embarrassed to admit to my students that this happened on my watch. I knew it was happening and I was not able to do anything to stop it.
Holding on to anger, science has proven again and again, can lead to serious health issues. How does one then deal with anger and guilt in an effective manner?
Righteous anger comes because we see things that we know are wrong. It is a voice inside of us that tells us to do something, to be an agent of change. We do not control the past, but we do control our present responses and we can influence the future.
This is the source of the passion that moves me to teach about genocide. My work then fills me with joy because I know that I am a part of something much larger than myself.
Yes, I am angry, but that anger moves me to purpose and, in that purpose, I find joy.
